It's been almost six short months since becoming one with Kole.
Everything in my life as an individual has changed. There are a few things that obviously never will, but for the most part, all that I do has been for different motives than before.
I wake up, serve him.
I go to bed, serving him.
He does for me as well.
He wakes up, saying goodbye to me in the sweet way that he does.
I come home through the door to his open arms (sometimes he sarcastically runs away).
He makes me dinner or encourages me to take a quick nap before we head to CrossFit.
He leaves before I sleep to provide for our living needs and comes back before the sun to sleep with me before we repeat the day.
....
I sometimes like to scare him, but today he did the biggest one on me.
...
I work at Rock Creek Coffee Roasters, now. I accepted the job, TODAY.
Home Update: We no longer live in Rimview Apartments, it is now Rock Creek Apartments. How fun?
Kole still works with AirGroup... in which he is always trying to find another option, but for now, this is what pays and is the best for us. God knows what's up!
....
Our communication is getting better, we don't misunderstand as much as we did in the beginning. We know better when the other is confused and how to ask the right questions or just shut up.
I'm amazed at the amount of "fighting" we have experienced. We rarely engage in anything above a quiet-frustrated conversation in which we both recognize as a time to listen intently and focus on how to defuse the tension that is brewing between us *lol, brewwwwwwing*.
Wednesday, June 20, 2018
Thursday, April 26, 2018
arise and shine
My life has taken a trajectory in which I did not anticipate within the next 5 years of my life. I've done a lot of things I didn't think I could do on my own, yet I did them. All with the hope of learning and loving the God of this world more.
I knew life would be different after the World Race, after the internship at Maranatha.
However, I didn't think it would be like this.
I've dreamt seldom about this intimate intensity, and longing for companionship that is said to complete you or somehow "fulfill" your loneliness bucket. I've given very little but deep thought about these kinds of things.
While the last leg of the internship in Maxwell, NE had me busy and thinking about the future, I wasn't quite thinking of anything like this. College and future adventures that I could do on my own or with friends were swirling in my mind like a windy day. Constant. Then I met Kole David Brewer, a man who drove me a little crazy at first, yet brought me to life by showing me who I am through his bold stature and personality; both encapsulating a man after God's heart and his own passions--many of which included looking good naked (CrossFit, eating clean, relaxing...etc).
He gave me words, words that were encouraging to my wandering soul. I knew them already, but there's something about when people finally see those deep things that make you tick, or sing for joy. He found them and pointed them out. He gave them life with a laugh or presented moments to use them for better. What the cuss happened to me? I was seeing life with him as the next adventure; the upcoming and forever kind. It looked like he did too, with all the flirting that abundantly came from his speech and actions.
I married the crap out of him. He's one of a kind. He's my Tarzan. The guy that has the ability to make me laugh more than cry (thankfully) and be my best friend through it all.
I challenge myself to love him. Similarly, like Christ loved the church; fully and holding nothing back, especially when we are at odds.
These are just a bunch of avenues of which he expresses love-----
> He often makes me coffee the way I like it; Black & Fresh.
< He makes sure I am warm enough by bringing an extra jacket or reminding me to bring my own.
> He prays with me, leading the prayer and giving me space to join in unashamedly.
< He shows me how to respectfully live life by looking out for others needs first.
> He will turn on my favorite music randomly or most often when I am feeling off my rocker.
< He is helpful when it comes to the kitchen, he makes delicious food and loves to make it.
> He goes to work out of love and makes money so that we may live with enough money to buy good coffee.
<He encourages me when I feel down about life, work or school. Always giving a purposeful response.
>He sacrifices his need to finish things that when I come home he drops everything to hold me while I tell him about my day.
< He cherish's our sex life and makes sweet love to me.
> He is aware of my mood and gives attention to what I need or don't need at that moment.
< He is always providing me with answers or discussions to all my theological \ life questions.
> He calls me "angel", and somehow every time he tells me, I know he loves me.
This adventure called life with him has been a sweet time of learning and loving God, others, myself and him.
I am thankful for where I am today, and look forward to what life looks like for both of us bold souls in the next 50 years (sometimes I hope we'll be dead so we can just go hang out with Jesus on a fluffy cloud and watch the ocean roar and the dolphins jump with a cup of coffee in hand as the sun sets).
Peace out.
I knew life would be different after the World Race, after the internship at Maranatha.
However, I didn't think it would be like this.
I've dreamt seldom about this intimate intensity, and longing for companionship that is said to complete you or somehow "fulfill" your loneliness bucket. I've given very little but deep thought about these kinds of things.
While the last leg of the internship in Maxwell, NE had me busy and thinking about the future, I wasn't quite thinking of anything like this. College and future adventures that I could do on my own or with friends were swirling in my mind like a windy day. Constant. Then I met Kole David Brewer, a man who drove me a little crazy at first, yet brought me to life by showing me who I am through his bold stature and personality; both encapsulating a man after God's heart and his own passions--many of which included looking good naked (CrossFit, eating clean, relaxing...etc).
I married the crap out of him. He's one of a kind. He's my Tarzan. The guy that has the ability to make me laugh more than cry (thankfully) and be my best friend through it all.
I challenge myself to love him. Similarly, like Christ loved the church; fully and holding nothing back, especially when we are at odds.
These are just a bunch of avenues of which he expresses love-----
> He often makes me coffee the way I like it; Black & Fresh.
< He makes sure I am warm enough by bringing an extra jacket or reminding me to bring my own.
> He prays with me, leading the prayer and giving me space to join in unashamedly.
< He shows me how to respectfully live life by looking out for others needs first.
> He will turn on my favorite music randomly or most often when I am feeling off my rocker.
< He is helpful when it comes to the kitchen, he makes delicious food and loves to make it.
> He goes to work out of love and makes money so that we may live with enough money to buy good coffee.
<He encourages me when I feel down about life, work or school. Always giving a purposeful response.
>He sacrifices his need to finish things that when I come home he drops everything to hold me while I tell him about my day.
< He cherish's our sex life and makes sweet love to me.
< He is always providing me with answers or discussions to all my theological \ life questions.
> He calls me "angel", and somehow every time he tells me, I know he loves me.
This adventure called life with him has been a sweet time of learning and loving God, others, myself and him.
I am thankful for where I am today, and look forward to what life looks like for both of us bold souls in the next 50 years (sometimes I hope we'll be dead so we can just go hang out with Jesus on a fluffy cloud and watch the ocean roar and the dolphins jump with a cup of coffee in hand as the sun sets).
Peace out.
Saturday, July 8, 2017
People of Hollywood | Adriana
I walked into a public dinner event hosted by Hope Hollywood Church in L.A. I then screened the room for a place to sit with the purose of merely be a facilitator of some wholesome conversation. As my eyes were on their run, I saw a girl with long black hair with red tips sitting next to a friend of mine. I thought, “I want to meet this girl”. I don’t see many women who are bold enough to come here and or much more get help. As I saw it, I was intrigued. So I made the mental decision to meet this stranger who apparently shares a mutual friend. I approach slow and easy, as my friend notices me and takes the initiation to introduce me as I take a seat. She introduced herself as Adriana, and I introduced myself as Rachel. Immediately I knew she wasn’t born a girl. I was a little shaken. I thought “What had I gotten myself into?”. I was scared, I knew I had stepped into some unknown territory that I knew very little of except ridicule.
We were enjoying a nice meal at an open-to-the-public dinner event where devotions or testimonies were shared... Her name was Adriana, at age 29 and had long black hair with red tips. She was very shy at first but soon opened up to me as we went back and forth for conversation. She was desperate for someone to listen, I could tell. So that’s all I did, listened. Until she started asking me questions.
She would go on tangents about how she hated her living situation, the people she spent time with, and the job she despised but couldn’t run away from because it haunted her sexuality. She was homeless, constantly getting stolen from, sleeping in train and bus stations as an attempt to stay safe. She was constantly being ridiculed for choosing to be transgender, and the job she caught herself up in which was prostitution. She felt like God was punishing her for the life she lived. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong, but this was all she ever knew. I asked her about her childhood, and what she could remember to be sure of, or even “good” in her terms. All she could remember was how confusing her life was as a young person. Constantly being forced to play with gender appropriate activities, but inside felt completely opposite.
I think because she didn’t “fit in” with the rest of society, being that there is still a very small population that actually accepts all genders and variations… living in a city as large as LA, it’s still hard to do. Survive. That’s what she’s doing, barely surviving. Being taken advantage of by lonely lustful men and who knows who else. Doing only what she knows, what her strong sexuality has drawn her to do, and never saying “no” to her physical desires that consume her. She follows her intuition, rather than what she has been told to be true. She has been to many church services and have been fed the typical gospel freedom message like any other, but still hasn’t completely understood the severity of sin.
I asked her what she likes to do, she responded with something like “ I like to be kind to people, I like giving what I have, sharing and helping those less fortunate than I”. I told her, that that’s her gift. That’s God’s character shining through her. She kept asking questions related to her sexuality, as if in complete insecurity and doubt. Assuming I knew everything, she asked with confidence and waited for an answer. There were two questions I couldn’t answer and had to humbly admit that I didn’t know. And another that I did know. Another question rolled off her tongue with hopelessness in her tone “Am I a bad person for being transgender?” My heart sunk to my gut. My mind spun for a profound answer in which I had none, none that sounded good enough to cure her deep confusion. I kept thinking, sighing quietly and breathing slowly. I finally spoke up in her silence that outweighed the whizz from the cars passing and replied telling her the difference between God despising the sin, but loving his creations in which He created uniquely, and love deeply. I continued with His desire to redeem everything, the struggle of dealing with the sin of this world with the temptations we have because of it And also the choice we have to make amidst all the reality of this world.
When I was talking with her, I could barely hold back the tears. My heart was so broken for the brokenness of this world as well as my own. Everything Adriana was telling me, I was feeling as if I was walking into a whole new room in which needed remodeling. I had thought I knew what the answer was, or at least ideas. But in all reality… I have no deep answer except, Jesus. I know it sounds so typical. However, It’s the best answer anyone can come up with. He has paid every price for every sin, and that love He displayed so clearly should convict us to walk with him with every atom in our body. Our very DNA was created to be worshipers of God, yet our original sin and the gods of this age gets in the way between us and experiencing Jesus' presence in our lives.
We were enjoying a nice meal at an open-to-the-public dinner event where devotions or testimonies were shared... Her name was Adriana, at age 29 and had long black hair with red tips. She was very shy at first but soon opened up to me as we went back and forth for conversation. She was desperate for someone to listen, I could tell. So that’s all I did, listened. Until she started asking me questions.
She would go on tangents about how she hated her living situation, the people she spent time with, and the job she despised but couldn’t run away from because it haunted her sexuality. She was homeless, constantly getting stolen from, sleeping in train and bus stations as an attempt to stay safe. She was constantly being ridiculed for choosing to be transgender, and the job she caught herself up in which was prostitution. She felt like God was punishing her for the life she lived. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong, but this was all she ever knew. I asked her about her childhood, and what she could remember to be sure of, or even “good” in her terms. All she could remember was how confusing her life was as a young person. Constantly being forced to play with gender appropriate activities, but inside felt completely opposite.
I think because she didn’t “fit in” with the rest of society, being that there is still a very small population that actually accepts all genders and variations… living in a city as large as LA, it’s still hard to do. Survive. That’s what she’s doing, barely surviving. Being taken advantage of by lonely lustful men and who knows who else. Doing only what she knows, what her strong sexuality has drawn her to do, and never saying “no” to her physical desires that consume her. She follows her intuition, rather than what she has been told to be true. She has been to many church services and have been fed the typical gospel freedom message like any other, but still hasn’t completely understood the severity of sin.
I asked her what she likes to do, she responded with something like “ I like to be kind to people, I like giving what I have, sharing and helping those less fortunate than I”. I told her, that that’s her gift. That’s God’s character shining through her. She kept asking questions related to her sexuality, as if in complete insecurity and doubt. Assuming I knew everything, she asked with confidence and waited for an answer. There were two questions I couldn’t answer and had to humbly admit that I didn’t know. And another that I did know. Another question rolled off her tongue with hopelessness in her tone “Am I a bad person for being transgender?” My heart sunk to my gut. My mind spun for a profound answer in which I had none, none that sounded good enough to cure her deep confusion. I kept thinking, sighing quietly and breathing slowly. I finally spoke up in her silence that outweighed the whizz from the cars passing and replied telling her the difference between God despising the sin, but loving his creations in which He created uniquely, and love deeply. I continued with His desire to redeem everything, the struggle of dealing with the sin of this world with the temptations we have because of it And also the choice we have to make amidst all the reality of this world.
When I was talking with her, I could barely hold back the tears. My heart was so broken for the brokenness of this world as well as my own. Everything Adriana was telling me, I was feeling as if I was walking into a whole new room in which needed remodeling. I had thought I knew what the answer was, or at least ideas. But in all reality… I have no deep answer except, Jesus. I know it sounds so typical. However, It’s the best answer anyone can come up with. He has paid every price for every sin, and that love He displayed so clearly should convict us to walk with him with every atom in our body. Our very DNA was created to be worshipers of God, yet our original sin and the gods of this age gets in the way between us and experiencing Jesus' presence in our lives.
Friday, May 10, 2013
dreadlocks \\ the process
Almost 5 months! wow. It feels as though i've had them for longer.
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