I walked into a public dinner event hosted by Hope Hollywood Church in L.A. I then screened the room for a place to sit with the purose of merely be a facilitator of some wholesome conversation. As my eyes were on their run, I saw a girl with long black hair with red tips sitting next to a friend of mine. I thought, “I want to meet this girl”. I don’t see many women who are bold enough to come here and or much more get help. As I saw it, I was intrigued. So I made the mental decision to meet this stranger who apparently shares a mutual friend. I approach slow and easy, as my friend notices me and takes the initiation to introduce me as I take a seat. She introduced herself as Adriana, and I introduced myself as Rachel. Immediately I knew she wasn’t born a girl. I was a little shaken. I thought “What had I gotten myself into?”. I was scared, I knew I had stepped into some unknown territory that I knew very little of except ridicule.
We were enjoying a nice meal at an open-to-the-public dinner event where devotions or testimonies were shared... Her name was Adriana, at age 29 and had long black hair with red tips. She was very shy at first but soon opened up to me as we went back and forth for conversation. She was desperate for someone to listen, I could tell. So that’s all I did, listened. Until she started asking me questions.
She would go on tangents about how she hated her living situation, the people she spent time with, and the job she despised but couldn’t run away from because it haunted her sexuality. She was homeless, constantly getting stolen from, sleeping in train and bus stations as an attempt to stay safe. She was constantly being ridiculed for choosing to be transgender, and the job she caught herself up in which was prostitution. She felt like God was punishing her for the life she lived. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong, but this was all she ever knew. I asked her about her childhood, and what she could remember to be sure of, or even “good” in her terms. All she could remember was how confusing her life was as a young person. Constantly being forced to play with gender appropriate activities, but inside felt completely opposite.
I think because she didn’t “fit in” with the rest of society, being that there is still a very small population that actually accepts all genders and variations… living in a city as large as LA, it’s still hard to do. Survive. That’s what she’s doing, barely surviving. Being taken advantage of by lonely lustful men and who knows who else. Doing only what she knows, what her strong sexuality has drawn her to do, and never saying “no” to her physical desires that consume her. She follows her intuition, rather than what she has been told to be true. She has been to many church services and have been fed the typical gospel freedom message like any other, but still hasn’t completely understood the severity of sin.
I asked her what she likes to do, she responded with something like “ I like to be kind to people, I like giving what I have, sharing and helping those less fortunate than I”. I told her, that that’s her gift. That’s God’s character shining through her. She kept asking questions related to her sexuality, as if in complete insecurity and doubt. Assuming I knew everything, she asked with confidence and waited for an answer. There were two questions I couldn’t answer and had to humbly admit that I didn’t know. And another that I did know. Another question rolled off her tongue with hopelessness in her tone “Am I a bad person for being transgender?” My heart sunk to my gut. My mind spun for a profound answer in which I had none, none that sounded good enough to cure her deep confusion. I kept thinking, sighing quietly and breathing slowly. I finally spoke up in her silence that outweighed the whizz from the cars passing and replied telling her the difference between God despising the sin, but loving his creations in which He created uniquely, and love deeply. I continued with His desire to redeem everything, the struggle of dealing with the sin of this world with the temptations we have because of it And also the choice we have to make amidst all the reality of this world.
When I was talking with her, I could barely hold back the tears. My heart was so broken for the brokenness of this world as well as my own. Everything Adriana was telling me, I was feeling as if I was walking into a whole new room in which needed remodeling. I had thought I knew what the answer was, or at least ideas. But in all reality… I have no deep answer except, Jesus. I know it sounds so typical. However, It’s the best answer anyone can come up with. He has paid every price for every sin, and that love He displayed so clearly should convict us to walk with him with every atom in our body. Our very DNA was created to be worshipers of God, yet our original sin and the gods of this age gets in the way between us and experiencing Jesus' presence in our lives.
